Who Is Holding My Heart?

God has been dealing with me a lot this year about where my heart is. The issue started at the beginning of the year with the question of whether I should date or not. Then, when I started dating in late spring the question was, am I keeping God first in this relationship. Now, I do not even have the option of dating in the internship. In the beginning it bothered me, then it was ok, then it bothered me, now I am singing Praises to my Father in Heaven. I am discovering that I have had too many strings attached to this heart and I need to release it all and first start with my one and THE ONE true love, Christ. He is still asking me, "Do I have your heart?" I feel like I could say yes, but then I think of little compromises within my heart that I keep making to "feel comfortable", and the funny thing is I am only prolonging my own discomfort. I was told the longer that I hold on, the more that God will continue to strip from me, and I believe it. Not in a vengeful or hurtful way, but just as our earthly fathers take things from us to teach us discipline, God I feel will continue to pull things from my life to make sure that the only thing my heart is holding onto is Him. I was smoked by this quote today, "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her." Amen to that!

I am so greatful!

For those of you who do not know I am currently enrolled in Healing Place School of Ministry (HPSM). That is huge! This time last year I was considering getting involved with the church and now I am part of one of the greatest churches I know! I am at awe with what God is doing in my life. This week alone has been awesome! Here is a picture of all us interns shopping at KB Toys in Gonzales for an outreach. (Thank You guys so much @ KB Toys for being a part of something so much BIGGER!) We bought toys for kids whose mothers are in prison. It was so much fun!

And here I am. Playing with the toys! I hope the kids have as much fun as I did! I hope I get to see their faces when they open them!! I know that there is a huge outreach at the BRDC Sat, Dec 20th @ 10 am (little plug there :] ) But I don't know if that is when the gift thing goes down...

It is so much fun to serve and get involved. I am the happiest I have ever been, and that is almost ironic in some ways. I am the most broke and most in debt I have ever been, but yet I am the richest. I have no future security in the world's eyes because I have no clue what is going to happen to me once I graduate this year, but yet I have the greatest security ever because I now rest in the hands of the ALL MIGHTY!

God has blessed me beyond measure. I came from the pit. Covered in filth and rags. I can now stand with courage, dignity, and security because I have been bestowed the power and authority of my Father in Heaven! Praise Him!

Thanksgiving Festivities

Well, the Thanksgiving Holiday is over, but I pray the spirit of it stays. I love the Holidays. Overall people SEEM to be more joyful. It shouldn't take a Holiday though. We, myself included, should remember year round all the things we are EXTREMELY blessed to have....
On another note; This Thanksgiving was the best yet for me. This past Saturday HPC (Healing Place Church) had one of their Thanksgiving Outreaches, and I was able to be involved. Everything went smoothly thanks to Kelly, all staff at the DC (Dream Center), and ALL the volunteers. Thanks everyone who was involved in ANY way. Many homes were blessed that day with a Thanksgiving Dinner Kit which included: Ham, yams, stuffing, gravy, etc.
Also, many of you probably do not know that there had been unspoken conflict between my Father and I. It was more on my end. Different things had been said to me as a child; not meant to hurt me, but that is how I received it. Because of these misconstrued thoughts and ideas and feeding into different lies my flesh, mind, and past boyfriend told me I began to resent my Father for certain things and harbor bitterness towards him. But, Praise God, I was able to come to terms with myself and confront my Father with an issue that had been eating at me for YEARS! I cried, he cried, we hugged. It was awesome!
So this Thanksgiving was filled with Love, Giving, Peace, and Restoration! I Praise my Abba Father for all the good things He is allowing to happen in my life....

Hey Guys! Welcome to my blog. So, I thought it was time I shared with all of you a little glimpse of my world. Things have changed extensively in the past few months. It is awesome! God is doing amazing things. I can not wait to share and get your feed back!

My first announcement is a little shoutout to this weekends outreach @ the BRDC (Baton Rouge Dream Center. It is Saturday from 10-2. We will be going out into the community and blessing familys with a Thanksgiving Dinner Kit. It will be filled with all the essentials! Come be a part! Be blessed by being a blessing. You will put a smile on God's face! :)

Love Yawl!

First Thought

Ok... so this was supposed to be my first Blog, but I hesitated....

Hi Guys! So this is my first blog. I am pretty excited. A site where people come to hear all of the randomness that comes from my heart, soul, and mind.

To begin I guess I will explain my title. Existing is my Essence. There are so many explanations to how this fits my life I almost don't know where to begin. So I will just begin.

For so many years I have failed to Exist. Not wanting wanting to be here. I walked through the halls of life with that Walmart smiley face plastered on wishing things would just fade away. I fought depression for many years. I would struggle with thoughts of suicide. Death was more of an amusing thought than scary. Then I found hope. Hope in Christ. Hope in a SAVIOR. I know to some non-believers this may sound so cliche, but its so true. I found purpose. I found a reason to exist. I found WHY I exist. I exist today because there is a God who loves me, created this earth for me, longs to share His glory, and has an exponential plan prepared for me that I may never be able to comprehend. I now EXIST. I no longer just roam, I walk with a purpose and a determination in my stride. I am now here to exist, to lead, to speak life, and truth into the hearts of those who are in that same position I was in not so long ago.

Now I am not here to say that once you find this new, glorious life, things get easy, but now there is meaning behind the things I do. I know that there is a greater purpose and meaning behind it other than my own glorification and satisfaction. I am blessing my Abba Father in return for all his glorious wonder that he has so freely displayed in my life.... more to come on why... :)